I’m a huge fan of the syndicated Seinfeld shows and religiously catch an episode or two each night before I hit the hay. But if you think he’s all comedy, you really ought to read his brilliant commentary on the topic of parenting in this past week’s Parade magazine.

Seinfeld is making the media rounds promoting his new NBC comedy-meets-reality show, The Marriage Ref, of which he’s the brainchild and producer. But in this Parade article, he let down his comic guard and offered some serious and practical insights on parenting. As a father of three kids (ages 9, 6, and 4), this is one role Jerry Seinfeld takes very seriously.

Although the Seinfeld kids have an extremely wealthy father, he’s determined to provide a normal life for them. He offers three rules for parenting, which he has dubbed “the Poison Ps” - praise, problem solving, and pleasure.

• He believes today’s parents heap too much praise on their kids, feeling obligated to acknowledge even their most minute accomplishments. When it’s used excessively, praise becomes cheap and loses its power.

• Seinfeld thinks too many parents want their kids to be worry-free, so they go out of their way to solve all their problems for them. He feels that the lessons that can be learned by solving a problem for one’s self is a gift, and too many parents deny their kids those precious gifts, mistakenly thinking they are being helpful or protective.

• He also sees parents overindulge their children by giving them everything they desire. You can imagine how hard it would be for a man of fortune to say ‘no’ when his kids see something they want and he can easily afford. My guess is, however, that he’s trying very hard not to spoil them.

I seldom find entertainers to be the source on relationships of any kind, particularly child-rearing, and I’d love to point out the weakness in Seinfeld’s assessment, but I can’t. In fact, I couldn’t agree more. However, the rationale he provides in this article for why parents tend to make these “3 Poison P” errors is even more astute, and can be summed up in one word: guilt.

Here is Seinfeld’s theory:

“We feel so guilty for destroying their innocence—which is what we did—so we’re trying to repair that by creating perfect childhoods. The reason we overdo it so much is because we feel so bad about it.”

It doesn’t take much for an entertainer/celebrity to get my attention, but it takes a whole lot more to garner my respect. Jerry Seinfeld just crossed that bridge.

Consider the plight of the average 5th grade teacher at the elementary school in your neighborhood. Forget the increased pressure they are under to raise student test scores, the constant battles with meddling parents, and the edict to balance an overcrowded classroom with a budget that’s been slashed to ribbons. Instead, take a moment to consider a far bigger challenge for the average 5th grade teacher:  reaching the average 5th grade student.

Back in the day, a teacher could give a student a book and an assignment and learning would take place. Today, that text book better come wired with a flat screen and a T-1 line or the cover might not get cracked.

According to a new study by the Kaiser Family Foundation (as reported by ABC News) 8-to-18-year-olds spend more than seven hours each day in front of a screen, compared to a paltry 38-minutes per day with a book. Regardless if they are staring at television/movie screens, computer screens, cell phone screens, video game screens, or the screens of some other such device, one thing is for sure:  today’s students are used to getting their information with high-speed graphics and an adrenalin rush.

So, how is a teacher supposed to compete with that?

The answer is, they can’t.  About half of the heaviest media users get C’s or lower in school while only a quarter of light users report bad grades. When a kid is addicted to a screen, a talking head is going to bore them to tears.

With this kind of overwhelming evidence linking high tech with low grades, when are parents going to pull the plug on their kid’s xBox, put reasonable limits on their text plans, and reintroduce the concept of quiet, focused “study time” back into the American home?

Interesting thought.  But isn’t it a tad ironic that that I’m writing this–and you’re reading this–on a high tech device?

NOTE: I’m on a mission to curb screen time in my house, and it begins with my own addiction. I invite you to check out my poem The Screen which, ironically, is posted to YouTube.

Imagine going to a strange town, checking into a hotel, opening the window in your room, and screaming “Merry Christmas to anyone who can hear me!”

Now imagine that a friend did this and you just happened to be in the streets of that town, somewhere within earshot of that voice.

No matter which side of the equation you put yourself in within this scenario, it doesn’t leave you feeling very special, does it?

It’s amazing how many people do the equivilent of this when sending holiday cards out to friends and even their clients. They take a jump drive loaded with a digital photo of their family down to the local Walmart, Target, Walgreens, etc. and in a matter of minutes — and with very little thought or effort — they walk out with a box of ‘personalized’ holiday cards.

Once they get home, they print out their Outlook address file on Avrey labels and adhere them to the accompanying envelope. Then, as if the recipient needs further proof that they are nothing more than an electronic record in someone else’s database, they don’t even sign the “card” before stuffing it into the envelope and sticking a stamp on it, or worse — metering it.

The only thing that could show less thought and care is when a generic holiday greeting is sent out as an email blast. Yeppers.  Nothing says Merry Christmas quite like SPAM. And if you think email is the ultimate expression of the “check that off my ‘to-do’ holiday list” mentality, guess again. Early reports  say that this year, a growing number of people are simply sending out mass  “Mry Xmas” texts.

Advancements in technology now enable us to wish everyone we know Merry Christmas in 30 seconds or less.

Leaves you feeling all warm and mushy inside, doesn’t it?

My father used to tell me (repeatedly) “Anything worth doing is worth doing right.” I think that axiom applies here. If you can’t take the time to make the person on the receiving end of a greeting feel, well, er… greeted, for heaven’s sake, don’t send anything.

Forgive my sarcasm long enough to see the relevance of this in all you do to connect with Gen Y in the workplace.  There is no substitute for direct, one-to-one, personal interaction and communication.

Anything less is just SPAM.

I am not in the habit of endorsing books, and this one has very little to do with Generation Why.  However, if you’re in business, this one is a game-changer:

It’s Not Who Your Know, It’s Who Knows You by David Avrin

They tried selling chocolate last year as a fund raiser, but according to Susie Shepherd, Principal of Rosewood Middle School of Goldsboro, North Carolina, “it didn’t generate anything.”  So this year, they’ve decided to sell grade points to students.

Having trouble in math? Bum a $20 off dad and bump that C to a B.

No, this is not a joke, it’s a sad reality. Forget that the district office stepped in after the program had been launched to end it after one day, you can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube. Those impressionable students aren’t going to forget this.

From here on, what is a teacher supposed to do if they catch a student cheating on a test? Tell them that “cheating is a bad thing and grades are something that must be earned?” Ha!  I’d love to be a smart-alecky 7th grader at Rosewood Middle School and have some teacher try to run that line of double-standard crap by me!

We are being challenged by this recession in ways that most of us have not been challenged before. It’s brutal out there. But it ain’t time to begin selling out to the devil quite yet, folks.

Our kids are watching our every move.  They will learn from us what to do when the going gets tough. Our parents — the ’silent generation’ — taught us to dig in, come together as a people, make really tough choices, and work our way out of it. It wasn’t a lecture they gave us, it was the example they set for us.

Budget crisis?  Yeah, I bet the people in Goldsboro think they’re really up against it.  And maybe they are. But given a choice, it would be far better for parents and administrators to close the school down and bus the kids across town than to imprint them with the message they’ve just sent.

I promised in my last post to declare my position on the controversial topic of allowing a Gen Y college grad (or struggling twenty-something) to move back home with mom and dad. The headline to this post is about as subtle as a wart on a worm and removes any doubt where I stand on this issue.

Unlike some of my other thoughts and observations about various hot topics, I have a dog in this fight.  In fact, I have four.  My wife and I are empty nesters. Our blended family with four kids, age 24-29, are spread out all over the country in four different states. From the day they were no longer considered full time students, they were expected to be out on their own as we shifted the responsibility for their sustenance from us to them.

This shift wasn’t a surprise, but rather something we had clearly articulated and prepared them for throughout their high school and college careers. Realizing that there would be no ‘return to the nest’ option, each understood they had to work, save, plan, and prepare for the day after graduation.

Lori and I miss our kids like crazy, and we look forward to holidays and vacations when we can all be together. But we’ll gladly sacrifice our not being able to see them every day for the knowledge that our adult children are independent and fully self-sufficient.

Look, I am not claiming that other parents should follow our lead. There are so many variables in parenting and there are undoubtedly some circumstances that would cause us to rethink our own policy. It’s just that my wife and I both remember being on our own early in life and we firmly believe that our greatest lessons were learned when we had to scrounge for quarters from beneath the couch cushions to buy gas; from having to eat mac-n-cheese three times a day; and from having to pull doubles to make rent. Looking back, it wasn’t the good times that paved the road to our successes, but rather the difficult times when we thought we couldn’t be pushed or prodded any further.

I hated those struggles then. Now, I wouldn’t trade them for anything.

This morning, my 24-year-old daughter called me from California and told me about a traffic ticket she got over the weekend that will cost her more than she has in her savings account. Additionally, her husband, a full-time law student at Pepperdine, has to drive their car to an empty gravel lot five miles away to repair the brakes because they can’t afford to bring it to a shop. There’s more to this week’s ‘list of callenges’, but you get the idea.

A part of me wanted to say, “Honey, calm down. Just send me the bill for the brakes,” but I bit my tongue.

How could I live with myself if I robbed my adult children of the lessons that come from ‘the struggle’ of figuring it out for themselves?

Today’s parents do a huge disservice to their children by delaying their adulthood and protecting them from life’s most important, and sometimes the most painful lessons. There’s no real growth without struggle and sacrifice.

So break the ‘boomerang kid’ syndrome. Kick Em to the Curb, - if not the day after graduation, then very soon after.

(To paraphrase Dennis Miller) That’s just my opinion, …and I could be wrong.

As staunch as I had been on this issue, I’ve got to admit, I’m wavering a bit as of late.

My 23-year-old staffer, TJ Wihera, is a godsend.  Great work ethic. Will do anything I ask. Never bugs me for a raise.  TJ graduated in May of 2008 from CU with a degree in journalism.  He’s got killer skills, but hey, having a degree in journalism now is akin to having a degree in Physical Education back in ‘79; no jobs, no job prospects. (A lot of my buddies were aspiring gym teacher/football coaches, and most never found P.E. jobs.)

That being said, The Denver Post (the only remaining daily paper in my hometown) frequently assigns work to TJ and publishes his articles: most of which make the front page of the Perspective Section in the large Sunday Edition.  TJ gets a byline for this, and the Post gets a stimulating article by a young up-and-comer. (Translation: even with a degree, TJ writes for free.)

Last Sunday’s Post published TJ’s most recent article explaining why his generation, (Gen Y, Millennials, Nexters, etc.) are moving back into the nest with mom and dad. As you’ll be able to surmise, TJ is a no B.S., tell-it-like-it-is journalist.  (That’s precisely what makes him so valuable to my team.)

The next day, an article came out on CBS Moneywatch titled “How To Kick Your Kid out of the Nest.” Different title, but not exactly an opposing viewpoint to TJ’s piece. But from the comments both have received, this is obviously a hotly contested topic.

So I’m putting it out there to see what you think. Are you in favor of college grads returning to the nest?  If so, for how long? If not, why?

I’ll chime in with my perspective in a few days.  And, like TJ, I won’t pull any punches.

Over the past 6 months, my inbox has been jammed with questions strikingly similar to this one:

“With 160 Gen Y’s working for me, one big issue continues to be their obsession to text during work. Any thoughts on this growing problem?”

My initial thought is that Gen Y’s obviously don’t see texting at work as a problem. For many, if not most, texting is as inherently natural as walking, eating, and breathing. So what’s all the fuss about?

But experienced managers see texting as a relatively new challenge; one they could never have gotten away with back in the day (had texting existed ‘back in the day’). We remember our bosses cracking the whip the second we punched in, and we’d be canned if we engaged in any behavior that wasn’t work related until the second we punched out. So the fact that these young whipper snappers are now trying to sneak in social time on our dime chaps our hide almost as much as the realization that it’s costing us a lot of dimes.  We don’t like anything less than a stellar return on our investment, and we hate when our young employees make fools of us.

But let that argument go for a moment, and let’s get clear on what’s really at stake here.

Texting is the enemy of service. There’s nothing ruder than having to compete with an iPhone for the attention of the barista who’s supposed to be taking your order.  Regardless of how sophisticated a Gen Y’s multi-tasking skills may be, no mortal can provide prompt, courteous, individual attention to a customer while they are texting a friend directions to a party.

Texting threatens workplace safety. Accidents occur when attentions are divided.   Sometimes the accidents are minor.  Sometimes they aren’t.

Texting robs performance. Imagine Payton, LeBron, or Venus, sending or receiving a text in the middle of a game. Unheard of, right?  To perform at their very best, each would have to be 100% present, physically and mentally. Name a job where texting won’t adversely affect performance and I’ll show you a job that can be done by a monkey.

So now you have three compelling, logical reasons why texting doesn’t work at work.  The question then becomes, do your young text-happy employees understand this rationale, or do they simply see another rule that’s meant to be broken?

Here are six steps to establishing yours as a text-free workspace:

1. Create a clear, simple text policy that leaves no room for personal interpretation. e.g. employee use of personal cell phones and other mobile communication devices are not permitted in, on, or around the workplace during scheduled hours and company meetings.

2. Explain the rationale behind your policy. (See example above.) If they don’t understand the why, they are going to fight you on the what.

3. Detail the consequences for employees who violate the policy. e.g. first offense: written warning   second offense: three days suspension     third offense: termination

4. Make certain each and every employee reads, and signs off on, the policy. Don’t post it and walk away and assume they ‘get it’. Eliminate the “I didn’t know” excuse.

5. Provide a safe place for employees to store their cell phones during working hours.

6. Enforce the policy. Make no exceptions or you’ll have to make multiple exceptions. Before long, your rule will be a joke.

7. Lead by example. If employees see management texting, they’ll see nothing wrong with their texting.

I remember the ‘don’t do drugs’ films they showed junior high school students in the 70’s.  Something about the psychedelic hallucinations they simulated scared the hell out of me to the point that I never experimented with any mind-altering drugs.

In high school, my driver’s ed teacher passed around a few 8 x 10 photos that police taken after auto accidents that engrained into me the importance of wearing my seat belt.

Today’s teens are much harder to scare.  Like bees to honey, they are drawn to death-defying X-Game sports and activities, the most violent slasher movies, and song lyrics that make mother’s tremble. Pop culture desensitizes today’s youth at a very early age, and it takes a lot to penetrate their hearts and minds with a message that will stick with them for any length of time.

Enter a new generation of shock ads.  If you haven’t seen the lengths non-profit action groups are going to in an effort to capture the attention of teens and get their message through to them, it’s a real eye-opener. (I’ve posted links to a few YouTube videos below. The first is so graphic in nature that it’s difficult to watch.)

The message for employers of Gen Y is simple: If you’re using training videos, manuals, and resources that are more than 5 years old, you’re message isn’t getting through with any degree of impact.  You don’t have to shock them to get them to produce and perform for you, but you’d better not bore them.

Texting While Driving (a PSA ad now airing in the U.K.)

Meth ‘Not Even Once’ - clip A

Meth ‘Not Even Once’ - clip B

The Truth about Smoking (You Don’t Always Die from Tabacco)

For years I’ve extolled the virtues of spending quality face time with teens and young adults. After all, it only stands to reason that because Gen Y has spent a disproportionate amount of their youth in technology-based screen time (computer screens, video game screens, cell phone screens, movie screens, etc.), actual face time would be highly valued and interpreted by them as a gesture of love and concern.

It never occurred to me that they may actually view a personal conversation as an interruption. It does, however, help explain why they rudely multitask with numerous electronic devices while you’re trying to engage them in heartfelt one-to-one.

A fabulous article in the Wall Street Journal by Emory University English Professor Mark Bauerlein paints Gen Y’s as deficient non-verbal communicators who are sadly lacking in the manners department, and why their behavior is wreaking havok among their teachers and managers. Bauerlein goes on to tell how some companies have been forced to create a new set of workplace rules to combat “continuous partial attention.”

It’s rare to see a teen go several minutes without taking a call or sending a text, even when their with friends or, heaven forbid, out on a date. While I may never completely understand why they cannot unplug and simply ‘be’ with the person/people they are with at the time, they have no problem being a distraction or a being the victim of a distraction. And if they do it to each other, when they do it to us, should we feel offended or accepted?

Eventually, you and I are either going to have to accept their “continuous partial attention” or draw a line in the sand and create rules to eliminate it.

I’m eager to get your thoughts on this. (And feel free to add your comment while you’re on an important call.)